Always The Bridesmaid
Sitting interviews are weird things. I sit and am paraded in front of others for their approval. I sing and dance the monkey boy dance. I’ll be your plastic toy. I trip forth buzzwords and phrases I never normally use, primarily because I know that this is the way they think and that this is the way to convince them I am good at what I do. I know that I am good at what I do, even if others don’t. I’m not necessarily given the chance to exercise my skills in a professional environment, and when I am, I am often so marginalised that it barely feels as if I have the chance. And that someone is scuritinising everything I do carefully that no matter how good I do, all they can see is the wrong. No matter what I do, it doesn’t get recognised as being of worth. Not because it’s no good. But because of whom it comes from. I’ve sat a lot of interviews recently. Always the bridesmaid – never the bride. Life is cruel, sometimes, and often pointlessly so. I’m finding a lot of things in my life that are happening at the moment don’t make sense. We are taught by the internal narrative that action x=output y. This is not my life these days. Life does not compute. Action x=output ?

How can I make sense of things when this is the case? Life does not compute. I want out.
- posted by Mark @ 11:16 pm