(Planet Me)
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I Remember Punk Rock

If Britain has a National Export, a Unique Selling Point, a USP, it’s this : Inefficiency. That kind of sloppy, don’t-care, can’t-be-bothered attitude that is uniquely British.

On the way back from BargainHen wedding, we drop into a small service station in Colsterworth before we get to any of the major motorways. A Little Chef, a Burger King, a small sandwich shop.

We park at 10.25am. E goes in to get some breakfast. Twenty five minutes later, she appears clutching something. Lord knows what exactly. But it’s warm, and she’s eating it.

I go into the Burger King. What kind of pissy Burger King doesn’t open until 11.00am at Service Stations, I don’t know. It’s not as if people only get hungry after 11.00am.

Come on, guys., this is a Motorway Service Station. It’s a place of limited opportunities. It’s a captive audience. Like airplane food, hotel minibars, that kind of thing.

11.08am, and the place eventually opens. I’m served by a less than thrilled teenager with RAWK HAIR in a RAWK HAIR NET. I ask for something. I flip through the laminated book of Burger King dreams : BUY ONE GET ONE FREE ON ANGUS BURGERS! They promise. An interesting article on the marketing of the Angus Burger at Wikipedia.

No, they say. We only have the regular burgers. No cheese or bacon for you. I’m served with what is, at best, a sneer. There, they push it. Take it. Now fuck off.

That’s Britain for you. We export something fabulous. Rudeness, attitude, a sneer. How very punk. But I’d rather not have a Punk Rock Burger, if that’s OK with you.

After an hour at a pissy service station, just trying to get food in my typically British repressed manner, we hit the road again, and disappear into 186 miles of concrete. Like Smokey and The Bandit, we have a long way to go and a short time to get there.

On Wednesday, I quote the theme song from the Cannonball Run in my interview. “You’ve got to have a dream to have a dream come true.”

The Interviewer quotes me back Kurt Vonnegut.

I hope I get the job.

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