(Planet Me)
Sunday, October 09, 2011
An ideal for living.

This is me, standing next to Tulsaman, in November 2004. Aged 31. Seven years ago. It seems like a different life, a different universe. There's so little of my life from then that's still in my life : a different partner, a different home, two children, a mortgage, three jobs ago. Life is never easy. But sometimes does it have to be so hard?

Well. Sure is. On Facebook it suggested I be friends with my brothers ex-wife. Her profile pic is of her wedding. This presents one fuck of a dilemma : not because I would add her as a friend, but because I'm given news I don't want to know and didn't know, and I am torn between not wanting to hurt and needing to be honest. I cannot unknow this.

Some people, they live their lives not knowing how blessed they are - others seem to find every day a world war. Some kind of life with the edges taken off. Sometimes, and they are lucky, they meet the person they can co-exist with at school, be together, go through the life without the evil of seperation, heartbreak, betrayal, the stateof being pushed back, always, with each broken relationship, there's the sense that what you once had, you have to rebuild, and also, that you are being pushed back, further back, away from a future, or a mortgage, or a sense of direction. It's a long walk. It's easier when there is someone to talk to on the way.

No regrets. No nostalgia. Life can only be lived one way, and understood - if there is an understanding - at the end when it is too late to change anything through action. Life is an adventure. The greatest adventure is not climbing a mountain, but finding a life worth living.

Or one could look at it as a move forward. You've loved someone or done something, come through it, perhaps learned from it, and are continuing on with a better sense of who you are and what you do or don't want. It may be painful at the time, but sadly that's often how it goes. One of my friends calls these things AFGOs: Another Fucking Growth Opportunity. ;0)

You're right... life is an adventure. And who wants a mortgage anyway? Far better to own your home free and clear. We had that once. Before we took out a mortgage. *G*
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