(Planet Me)
Friday, July 13, 2007
The End Of Silence

There's something I've not spoken about for a long time, and I'm not sure I can here. I will talk around it. Had an interesting day, doing something I must admit, I hated every minute of, and I felt ... pressganged into. Certainly not something I ever wanted to do, or considered I would ever be doing. If I wanted to do it, I would've left school at sixteen, not got two degrees, not sat fifty exams, not got myself into debt, not delayed my career and my earning potential, married the girl next door, got a tedious, unskilled job in the local branch. Since I didn't want to do a dull, boring job that requires no skills and no training and pays not a huge amount, I decided to scarifice my immediate earning potential for long term benefit. Maybe I'm the dumb fuck and I should have done that and bought a house when they all cost £2,000 instead of £400,000 for a no-bedroom studio flat in Zone 12 on an ex-council estate, with free needles, junkies, and murders.

In the end, you are what you do. Today I was everything i strived to avoid when I was younger, and I felt enslaved into it. I know I'm smarter than the work I did today. It was a waste of my talents. I was sat there thinking Christ, Haven't they Invented Machines To Do This Yet? Why Isn't This Automated?

An Orange Hi-Viz Vest is not an attractive look. That said, I did go into a Police Station on official business for the first time in my life today. And I went to school for the first time since about 1991 - and a visited an industrial estate carved from derelict buildings for the first time. I'd've traded it all for an ordinary day though.

Who's the fool? The guy who goes to work, earns and pays his way, pays a fortune to 'own' land, and does things honestly, ... or the unemployed person with a dirtcheap council flat whose never worked a day in his life? Am I the fool for wanting to achieve something with my labour instead of just trying to leech the system as much as possible like a parasite?

Am I the fool?

About seven years back I was working freelance in TV, and evenually the work dried up. I refused to sign on, and instead temped for £4.50 an hour. That period lasted six long months until I found a "proper job" again. From that £4.50 an hour I still had to pay all my bills - I couldn't have survived without help from my mum (and my credit card). I would have been far better off signing on, but something in me just wouldn't allow it.

I know people who have nice little lives on benefits and who enjoy far nicer holidays and nights outs than I do - good for them. Some of them have earned that right by paying taxes all their lives. Most of them haven't. It's not for me, though, and I'm proud of myself for that. You should be too.
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