Thursday, September 20, 2007
As you may know, I tendered my resignation and took voluntary redundancy on Tuesday. I have another job offer to which I will go (hopefully) near seamlessly. It's been a long time since I resigned a job, and my life has turned inside out since I last changed jobs. In the past six years, I have been divorced, become a father, been married and bought property. I am landed gentry. Allegedly.
As of 11th October, I am unemployed for the first time in ten years and eight months. It's a duanting move, and one not without a lot of fear attached to it. Everything has a risk in it.
It's been a hard day.
Things have been on my mind a lot. This morning I was due to get up at 6.15 to get to a meeting in Rugby by 10.00am. Last night, I crawled into bed at around 11.00pm, determined to get a full days sleep in.
12.15, E was snoring in a way that could wake the dead. I rolled and curled in the duvet, fighting the demon called my consciousness. I wanted simply to be unconscious.
1.15am, my mind was still ticking over with things. Analysing strategies. Thinking of answers. Responses. Things I would say. I have to be diplomatic and politic at the moment to ensure that I achieve my exit. Tempting as it would be to burn my bridges, I've never been the type of person to do that. I've thought long and hard about everything that needs to be done and said and how I need to handle it.
I'm at a crossroads.
"And I would kill for a good nights sleep, I'm feeling dead"
At 2am, I got up out of bed and had a wank. Not proud of it, but the serotonin release could help me drift off to sleep. That didn't work.
In the end, at 3am, I ate cereal. Sometime after 3.15, I drifted off to sleep.
The alarm went off at 6.15am. I haven't slept since then. It's now gone 11pm. I've slept three hours out of the past forty. I got the 6.56 to London. The 9.00 to Rugby. Which was late. And arrived in a thunderstorm.
After that, several hours of meetings. I saw someone fall asleep at it. Surprisingly, that someone wasn't actually me. I'm still on 2 and a half hours of sleep.
At Rugby, of the 10 people on the platform, I was the only one who wasn't a trainspotter. When some non descript piece of blue painted shunting machinery, one of them looked at and gave me the heads up. He told me the model number, as if this were a rare bird never seen oustide of one field in Borneo.
As if he would expect to join the rest of the platform, whip out my digital camera and take a photograph. Men race to the platform edge and click away excitedly. Always men, 50 or 60. Too much time on their hands.
As I come to the end of my employment here, conscious or not, I'm aware that a lot of doors are slowly closing on my life at my current employer. I'm gradually saying goodbye to people and meeting them for the last time, and they don't know it. I'm counting off the last time I will be in certain offices, sat in certain desks, the fixtures of my life. Wondering how many people I made friends with, will I ever see them again, under what circumstances, if at all. I met people that maybe, could have possibly been significant in my life for all I know, had things turned out differently. But they didn't, they turned out like this.
Slowly I'm saying goodbye to the world I've known for many years, and taking a step into the unknown. I am unafraid.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! its a great day....you mind will be easier. I know mine was when I left Mentorn. All the politics and bullshit all left and I spent the best 2 weeks (they asked me to leave the building before the end of my 3 months notice period) after I resigned. nothing mattered anymore all the petty arguments all the troubles melted away like snow on a spring day. welcome to the next 10 years of your life!!!!
so when you going to be around, I'm off to SA next week to see customers but after that I'm around. could even come down your way if your not in the smoke.
will have to be when you get back - I have a project to close off so am hellabusy until october 2nd.
Congrats from the states, I'm real happy you finally get to to that place. Good luck on the new job, and keep us posted.Post a Comment