(Planet Me)
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
 
A Study Of Reading Habits
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As we power into the new decade - the Noughties? The Teenies? The Um...ies? - I reflect on how different my life was 10 years ago, and how much I have changed. Back then I was 27. Like many males that age, I was still, albeit just, on the cusp of youth, and still doing the kind of daft things many people do.

My parents? They met the boy or girl of their dreams outside the school gates at 16, married at 21, bought a house at 22, and had kids at 23. By the time the nippers went off to University, they were 41. Everythings changed these days. For reasons a sociologist would be far better able to explain than I. Debt and University and shrinking salaries, negative social mobility, and the changing shape of the workforce, combined with unusustainably enormous mortgage multipliers (where the average property is now seven times the average salary), mean the average age of a housebuyer is now 37. If at all.

So, for me, I felt that I was, for a period at least, in a difficult transition from Boy To Man.

I went to an All Boys School. And was a twin. At the All Boys School, I was one of those kids : the gawky, spotty, brainy ones. I didn't talk to a woman who wasn't my mum, or a relative, for five years. Those five years. The ones where your hormones go bugnuts crazy, and even Queen Victoria looks foxy.

Or perhaps, as my partner said, "You can tell he was the kind of boy who didn't really talk to girls growing up." Which made me think.

I was that kind of boy too. Growing up, I was relatively lucky to be in two long term relationships (lasting 7 years and 3 years, respectively). After the end of these though, I wasn't really the person I wanted to be. I was looking for a sense of belonging in my life : an idea that there was a person in this world with whom I could share the journey, both my experiences, and theirs. It took me a long time to realise this was right under my nose.

I lied. I cheated. I philandered. I treated people cruelly. I was confused, and lost, and of uncertain heart. I did and said things I shouldn't have done, and knew at the time, I probably shouldn't be doing. I was a pillock. I apologise.

I suppose it comes down to the usual stuff. I was learning how to be a person and how to treat other people. And like many people, I was learning by making mistakes. I don't make those mistakes anymore. I haven't for many many years. There came a time, several years ago, where, almost to the minute, I realised I'd reached in myself the end of a certain way of behaving. I don't miss it.

At 37, I can't pretend I'm anything much than middle aged. I don't do much self-pity these days : I am a little overweight, a little thinning, and not quite as fit as I used to be. (My BMI is 27.2, which isn't bad at all). Sensible isn't a bad, or offensive word. It's certainly less offensive than the inverse. And I prefer it. Especially when I get up in the morning without a hangover. You find what works in your life, and you stick with it. Or perhaps, you take out the things that makes your life harder than it needs to be. Because even at its easiest, life is often hard work.

I think of where my life is, compared to where it was. My life is richer now in ways I could never imagine. And I try, as we all do, to lead by example. Be the best you you can be.

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Comments:
Thank-you for sharing that part of yourself; it isn't always easy to do. You've made a good life for yourself, and I'm happy for you. You have a lovely partner and two wonderful children. You're a very lucky man.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and made mistakes that make me shudder to this day if I dwell on them. I don't miss the old days, either. In my particular case, nothing can happen in life that a drink couldn't make worse. But also like you, I had the good fortune to marry an amazing person. For all of life's struggles, I'm happy today.

Cheers! :0)
 
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