Saturday, January 07, 2012
The Unquenchable Light
Midlife Crisis? Probably not. Life's fairly brilliant for me in many ways. Not perfect. But rarely is life brilliant. Mind races with the things unsaid. The letters never sent. Well. I don't know anymore. Many things I don't get. I'm fairly sure I lost a friend a while ago, as they listened to an Ex that was full of shit. My side, her side, the truth somewhere inbetween. Who hasn't said or done something stupid twenty or ten years ago when were 18 or 20 or 22? Who wants to be defined by one incident fifteen years ago? I know I shouldn't care about this. That life is fundamentally unfair. Some people look at me and see another dumbfuck they can rip off and abuse and steal from or treat like shit. Well, people have the right to be wrong. Me too. Life is what it is.
Still, it's imperfect. With many great friends and wonderful things in it. The internet is big and has a long memory. So do I. I'm a lucky man with where things are. A girl who I never thought I would actually be with, and who every day, amazes me with the smallest things. Two lovely boys. And everything else that is pretty good. The world, and many people in it, are assholes. And every day, someone, totally unprompted, often demonstrates to me how stupid or cruel people can be. The trick is not being one of THEM.
I don't blog about politics anymore. The fact is there is too much to discuss there. It feels as if I am trapped in a society that is setting fire to itself because it is cold, without wondering about putting a jumper on. I've never liked the world I live in, but my part in the world is to try and make it a better place in any way I can.
And, thus, the first week of the year is done. Now we have the rest of our lives to live. Ah fuck it. Music anyone?
The world will not impose its will. I will not give up and I will not give in.