There are blogs – what a word – that people never go to. People never populate. People never visit anymore. Tumblrs and Flickrs. All manner of other things.

Outside of this page, I live, I breathe, I love, I have a drink, friends fall asleep in my arms, we make “save ourselves from suicide” pacts. Friends of mine – two this year – have committed suicide. Another has died before his time with a hidden disease. I have been busy living, eating, sleeping, laughing and crying. Life is what it is. You wake, you sleep, you feed, you work.

I never wanted to die, I wanted to be free of life. Reality is a war. There is always a target on your back. Always someone willing to work harder and longer for less. I can explain to you. I cannot understand this for you. Heroes always fall from grace. Just wanting something isn't enough : you have to know the limits of your powers. Otherwise people who die from cancer are simply guilty of not wanting to live enough. This is not my choice. I understand, I don't have to agree. You can't fight reality and win. You have to cope with what you cannot change. Gravity always wins.

This is life, endless – until it ends. Infinite – until it is finite. Beautiful in its ugliness.