(Planet Me)
Saturday, May 04, 2013
Trip to Birmingham and RAF Cosford, Feb 2013

Power and control has very much been on my mind recently. I have never been timid, never been reticent. Sometimes that has made me enemies. I have never wanted conflict, with anyone, ever. But sometimes, you have to stand for something, or else you stand for nothing. For me, any situation where I do not have influence and control over, I am a prisoner. And any and all prisoners defined themselves by wanting to escape. I either change my relationship by gaining control, or remove myself from the relationship. Any environment I do not have control over makes me very uncomfortable, very quickly. And therefore at the mercy of others. I no longer become myself, but merely an object to be used and misused entirely at the whims of others. I don't expect to be master of my own destiny, and I do not expect to entirely get my own way all the time, because that is utterly unrealistic. However I do not thrive in dictatorships, I do not 'own' anything in those circumstances, but am merely a robot with a punch card, an automaton. Where I am not valued, I will change my life until I am valued. I cannot live a life - and cannot respect myself - if I do not do that. I would be giving away my power, in exchange for nothing at all.

I'd rather die than give you control.

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