Not Very Frequently Asked Questions
When were you happiest?
Always, and never. Happiness is fleeting. It lasts for seconds, before you are reminded that unhappiness exists. It's like “The Game” - you win when you don't think of it, but merely are it. Happiness is an emotional and not an intellectual state. It's not just the absence of unhappiness, but even not acknowledging that unhappiness exists.
What is your greatest fear?
The future turning out the way I fear it will. The unravelling of the basic tenements of civilisation society currently holds, in favour of a brutal, competitive feudalism where we are all at war with each other. There's a constant war between the people that think the way to make a better world is to impoverish the poor and legalise foxhunting, and those who don't.
What is your earliest memory?
A three wheeled bicycle in my Grandparents garden on a summers day in 1976.
What would your super power be?
In reality, I'd be The Tidier. In my mind, I'd love the power to change people's mind with a glance. To get them to see exactly what I believe, utterly. Douglas Adams had a gun that could do that to people. I'd love to have a Point Of View Gun.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My teeth. I had to have one removed as a result of a severe, hospitalising infection, which was extremely unpleasant.
What is your favourite word?
Which book changed your life?
No single book changed my life, though there would be cases where a book, a story, even a line in a film, would change me in some way. Even last week, watching the film of 'John Dies At The End', there is an amazing line, I wish I had the ability to conjour myself : all the walls of the maze turned to glass.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I have great love in my life, and I am incredibly lucky to have experienced such rare things.
What is the worst job you’ve done?
There are few genuinely bad jobs, but I have had some appallingly bad bosses.
What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you?
I'm not repeating that, as it was factually inaccurate.
What did you want to be when you were growing up?
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
No guilty pleasures, I have little shame in that respect
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
The younger me would like to apologise to the older me for some really pigshit stupid things I did when younger. The older me would like to apologise to lots of people I met when I was younger.
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
I'd go back and prevent the parents of some of my former acquaintances ever meeting. Names? Where we're going we don't need... names.
How do you relax?
For quite literally seconds at a time. Normally playing air guitar down the front of a gig seeing a band I love.
What is the closest you’ve come to death?
A combined illness which included an abscess, bronchitis, pneumonia in both lungs, a viral and bacterial chest infection, hospital, and operations that saw me out of work for several weeks and lose a lot of weight. It was extremely unpleasant, and I was unable to speak for two weeks. I was also asked when I got back to work about my diet and how I had managed to lose so much weight.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Maintaining optimism in a brutal world.
Where would you most like to be right now?
Just walking off the helicopter pad on my own private island.
Tell us a joke
Have you seen Terminator : Genisys?