(Planet Me)
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Always The Bridesmaid
Sitting interviews are weird things. I sit and am paraded in front of others for their approval. I sing and dance the monkey boy dance. I’ll be your plastic toy. I trip forth buzzwords and phrases I never normally use, primarily because I know that this is the way they think and that this is the way to convince them I am good at what I do. I know that I am good at what I do, even if others don’t. I’m not necessarily given the chance to exercise my skills in a professional environment, and when I am, I am often so marginalised that it barely feels as if I have the chance. And that someone is scuritinising everything I do carefully that no matter how good I do, all they can see is the wrong. No matter what I do, it doesn’t get recognised as being of worth. Not because it’s no good. But because of whom it comes from. I’ve sat a lot of interviews recently. Always the bridesmaid – never the bride. Life is cruel, sometimes, and often pointlessly so. I’m finding a lot of things in my life that are happening at the moment don’t make sense. We are taught by the internal narrative that action x=output y. This is not my life these days. Life does not compute. Action x=output ?

How can I make sense of things when this is the case? Life does not compute. I want out.

Think of it like this...the right thing just hasnt come along yet. It will, and you will be glad that you didnt get all those other dodgy jobs, as you wouldnt have been happy in them. x
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