Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Since I cannot,in all honesty, write with much remove about my second marriage, there are some old blog posts which you can read if you like and are relatively new here.
I will summarise briefly. We met. We fell in love. Our relationship was very strained - and cracks started to show. And then we found out we were having a baby. We tried, as best we could, to make it work. It couldn't. We fell out of love. It was a horrific experience, trying to extract myself from it at the end. It felt at the time that I wasn't allowed to move on, that I was being judged, and forced to spend my time in some kind of lonely purgatory as a punishment for not necessarily tolerating what I felt was unforgivable behaviour. You Would've Done The Same As Me If You Had To Live Through The Same As Me.
This Post here seems to summarise what happened, from my eyes, at the time. I would happily not read those again.
The result of all this was, after being hounded out a job in 2007, and then doing the hardest job in my life, and the death of our baby, was a nervous breakdown. I had no idea if I was ever coming back to work : let alone when, or how I would be when I returned. You can get an idea of how, exactly I was with this fragment from me : link. It's an amazing thing for me to be able to do now, what I feel, is some of the best work of my life.
Now, the marriage seems so distant, so far away, that apart from the fact I pay the CSA a metric shit-ton of money every month, it's as if that marriage hadn't happened. I suspect that, frankly, my second ex-wife would probably wish that were the case. We can only change the future now. And that is the greatest story of my life. Coming next.